Our lesbian scene (and things that ought to be left behind in 2014)

Here is a question whose answer may surprise you: Who are among the leading cigarette smokers in the world? Yap. Gay people. We are weirdly cool like that. Actually, this is not new information. And if you Google and not find the same, it is still something I won’t seek correction over.

Maybe I need to bring someone on here to explain to me in elaborate lengths about the smoking trend. I understand it is refreshing to watch a woman smoking and it is sexy so ipso facto she is sexy too e.t.c.. all I am saying is I don’t get the giving in to trends vibe. I am not saying smoking is bad. You are allowed to blow up your lungs like a world war II twin engine fighter plane because damn right, they are your lungs so by all means, move forward with the same unstoppable grit. But not because every lesbian is doing it, okay? Pick your own bad habits; say smoke shisha or Marijuana (saying Marijuana in 2014 is unforgivable) for instance. Wait, lesbians are smoking those too. And that is on a normal day.

It is nothing short of miraculous that we still manage to look as wildly attractive as we do.

Now in bullet points, and not in any particular order:

  • The serial SMSers.

There are lesbians out there who can chat a good game. Which, full disclosure, is a little creepy. It is also kinda counterproductive going with our current wage bill and the price of food being what it is. Also, there is the endless internet and you feeling the need to carry the responsibility of reporting to the world every single detail of your living life. Honey, do you ever do your household chores or pee for chrissake? Honestly, you come out as an altogether not normal person.

  • Still on the interwebs. The relationship dramas.

This is, bar none, the frosting on the Kenya lesbian scene cake. It is a cutthroat competition on who gets the most likes on exposing whom they have slept with, which Kenyan celebrity is gay or not yada yada. Some dramas can only be likened to something right out of a spy novel but thing is, one hour from now no one will remember how many likes or retweets you got from all that poppytalk. If that’s even an appropriate word. Because it doesn’t seem to do it all justice. People will remember you for all the wrong reasons, ‘oh here comes the drama queen bitch’. You don’t wonna be that girl. Forgive your Ex, move on, find a new one. Preserve that energy for something else, like growing potted plants in your bedroom or whatever. Please, just move on.

  • One-beer-in-the-club-the-whole-night-in-the-name-of-partying.

This goes back to going with the trends and riding on popularity. This is how some (some being the operative word) college kids have completely torn apart the very fabric of our lesbian scene. These are the type who move in cliques and sag their jeans. No surprise there. Speaking of which, are girls still sagging their pants in 2014? Keeping up with fashion trends is amongst my many blind spots so I am no expert in fashion matters. Your dress your choice right? Right.

My point is, choose your priorities right. And maybe your number one priority right now should be to stick up your broke ass in college and read. Partying every night is fun, but is up there with a steady paycheck.

  • The enemy within.

Girls. Girls. Girls.

A certain lesbian is rocking a pink Daniel Wellington watch and you have the faux version? Let’s all roast her ass. Does she have a better blog? By all means yes crucify that bitch on the big wooden cross. Is she an academe and you can’t construct an English sentence to save your neck? Hell, bring on the barbecue. Is she skinnier than you? Prettier? What, she “snatched” the girl you have been crushing on? Honey, how many women have to be cyber bullied and suffer for you to thrive? Is it really worth it? What happened to being your sister’s keeper? The paucity of vocal queer women only means that this is a perpetual battle.

I can’t think of the right words I truly want to say on this one. I feel words going ahead without me. God, I need a coffee.

  • The “trendy” accessory that is the gay dude.

Like there isn’t enough commodification of gay men going on in the market already. Have a gay dude friend out of genuine reasons. Not just because the idea of having a cute boy with a ripped chest to tag along with you in family occasions completes your perfect ad for road to success. Everyone is human, after all.

Our yardstick should be to aim for the quality of our fellow queer women lives. It should not be about competition because you will never win. Maybe I will conclude on the list when I get back.

Meanwhile, this marks my last 2014 post. A sincere thanks to every single one of you; getting all mushy isn’t normal fodder for yours truly but I will say this with utmost honesty-it was a great blogging year for me because you were all in it and you were good to me. I love you.

I will see y’all in 2015 Inshallah.