This is not a real post

Hey byotches 😀

I hate doing exams. Reading for exams. Exam rooms. Basically I hate school.

In my defense, I was never a bright kid. Not that I am bright now. I am scarred for life. It takes me a whole hour to cram one page of accounting school work. I can’t balance a simple balance sheet to save my ass.

In simple words, I am depressed. You guise, my world is crumbling.

I promised myself that I will be updating this blog at least once per week because I hate reading blogs that gets updated after like four months. What happened to you blog owner? Did the Christmas turkey swallow you or why is your last update in December?   

I have exams coming and I am freaking out because I haven’t completed a school project that I was to hand over like a month ago. The books have been fucking me in all the wrong places. Sad. My sex life is non-existent.

People get depressed because their cars are dirty or their iPhone got stolen, big stuff. You see, I live in Africa and here, we don’t care about cars and iPhones. We worry about other problems. Like exams, Malaria and tsetse flies, see? Mammoth stuff.

In retrospect, there is this guy, a white guy I once knew, who told me that he thought Africans live on human flesh and we are always in permanent war zones or something like that.  Dude, your camel toe is showing. I mean, shut up for fucks sake! I have nothing against white people but there are some ignorant motherfuckers who need to step out of their bathrooms.

I cannot make up for better shit to talk about so let me talk about the white ignorant folks. Emphasis is on ignorant, lest word press peeps shut down my lame blog.

M-kay.

You live in a first world country. Superpower, aid, sanctions et al are some of the favorite words in your dictionary. I get it. And it’s cool because I live in a third world country and I love the clothes you shove in your dustbin because my ass loves them.

That should make you happy because I will save the animal skins and export them to you so you can make designer leather shoes.  

Wait, how did I get to know all this stuff about you? Because my black brain actually grasped something in ‘em high school history classes. So maybe you aren’t that bright after all. As in, companies like Google and Yahoo have offices in your hoods and you can’t understand that first of all, Africa is not a country. It is a freaking continent.

Bites cactus.

Yeah. We eat that too.

What kind of an ass clown think that all we do is multiply and die. You invented the English language. Namaste. But I have a thing called culture and I have other gazillion languages to learn so I don’t care much about the queen’s language. The little I’ve got is enough for me to ace my job interviews.

Our slave trade heroes did not die for that crap. Wait, you even colonized our asses. How bad can this BS go?

I am not blowing this out of proportion. And in case I am, you can always download that hit the road Jack song. Put it on replay while at it.

Bottom line. In fact, there is none.

Image

I have more worrying problems.

Like wondering why this certain guy is sending me his dick pictures on whatsapp. Is it like a growing trend or I am I the only one who think that dicks images are naturally unsettling?

I am just a lesbian. My bad.

Happy weekend y’all.   

 

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3 thoughts on “This is not a real post

  1. Adriane says:

    We should WhatsApp soon 🙂
    I’ll only send you happy photos mon chérie.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Q says:

    i know its late but please. may i.Nelson mandela did not fight for Africa’s independence but South Africa’s

    Like

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