I almost died Today

Hey dolls 😀

Relax, I am alive.

It is a cold day in the office. Part of my job entails doing virtual work thingies with other bored people on the interwebs. For the cavemen, by virtual I mean we don’t work in the same offices so we do our work online, m-kay? It can get awesome though because normally I do other fun stuff on the side with them. Like chatting and flirting. Creepazoids.

These are things we do to piss off our bosses because they are rich and they don’t pay us well. I am glad potential employers don’t read lesbian blogs otherwise I have just screwed up my employment life. Potential employers would rather be online watching porn and get it done away with.

We try to tolerate each other because if it was a game of options, we would rather chop off each other’s heads. Besides, life is depressing and flirting is a way of releasing orgasms and orgasms equals awesomesauce. Who sits in an office working eight hours straight anyway?

Unless you are the boss but wait, the bosses check the clock too. Because jerking at home is more fun. Forget about those taking affirmative action in life books, cray bullshit. Talking of jerking, (I am sorry, this is that blog where people don’t have morals), it rhymes with twerking, right? I was so heartbroken when I finally caught up with the meaning of this twerking lingo.
Googles twerking, Wikipedia; a dance move that involves shaking hips…my brain froze. No way! twerking has to be some kind of x-rated lesbian porn, tries a different search, same result.

I am so disappointed by everything human right now. Sigh.

Anyway, I am online in my office drinking coffee and chatting with this fellow; (this lesbian girl has an office! Surprised? Me too :D), a very rather interesting topic comes up. There is a workmate of his, I will call her T, who is his senior and he is so into her. They are kind of close and stuff like that. There is a but, he goes like, but did you know T is a lesbian?

Fuck! What the what?!

I almost choked on the coffee. Something is not right here. I know T, though not on a personal level, I have done some projects with her for close to one year and I couldn’t even notice a misplaced word o sumthing!!! JESUS! Go to your room QueerKenyanGirl! You are not a lesbian anymore! How did I miss that, aargh.

This guy doesn’t know about my sexual orientation so it was just random gossip. He wants to be more than friends with her and since he has been wondering what to do, he wanted a piece of my good wisdom. Take a chill pill dude. She would rather buy pink dildos. Such is the gay life.

So while I am happy, (so happy like peeing in my pants happy), I can’t help but bitch slap my gay dar. Gay women are very rare around my workplace life and I dare screw over the only chance the gods have given me to let my little lesbian lamp shine!

When I think about the T’ I have known all along, she is very different from the gay T that comes to my head now. She is always professional and somehow bossy. How do I handle her from now on? Gee, composure is the last word in my head. I just want to ask her for a date and do bad things to her. I don’t mind the fact that she is way up there on the organizational structure and over ten years my age.

Voices in my head: don’t mix romance with work. Fuck you. I am going to mess my life with her big time. Not.

Dialing her number right now and confessing my lesbian love to her sounds less dramatic, no? May be I should just send her my nudes and scare the daylights outta her head.

I am a hopeless romantic. Sad.


5 thoughts on “I almost died Today

  1. sasha says:

    are u saying u love T? n if yes are u saying that coz she is a lesbo or coz u have alway had a ka thing for her since way back?… do u luv her or just wana get down on her? whoop whoop!!!!


  2. Adriane says:

    marry me, please?


  3. Adriane says:

    I’m serious… Down on my knees I go.. I DO. Do you?


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