I made an ass out of myself

Saseni booby munchers 🙂

I have many memories of Nairobi International Trade fair. As a young kid, I wouldn’t have missed attending the shows. Mostly for the ice cream mouthgasm. Image

It was the in thing for the kids back then, uhm, please don’t get it twisted, I am still very young. I am seventeen plus experience kinda thingy 😀 But hey, I learn from the best aka most Kenyan ‘celebs’ that turn twenty every birthday.

Necessary side note: This post is not about Nairobi International Trade Fair.

Fast forward to 2011 and enters a university project. Some of my friends were blessed with cute sharp brains unlike me because all I do is stare at boobs, moobs, all kinds of boobs. I am kidding, just the boobs! So this schoolmate was doing some awesome stuff with his brains (I swear he has two) and he asked me to assist. A project I won’t dig deep into because it means doing a whole new post.

My work was among many things, to smile and welcome passersby. And welcoming I did, until a certain woman walked in. A high profile woman because she even had bodyguards. I didn’t know who she was but I knew she was rich, or famous. Seeing rich and famous mixes up well in a sentence, I was ready to face Mount Kenya right there. Praying, because I didn’t know what else I could do in that second our eyes met apart from asking for Baby Jesus to intervene.

I was not prepared for this.

Hell, I was not even prepared to hold a one minute talk with anyone. But this woman was not relenting. There are so many things I can do around a striking beautiful rich woman but explaining sciency stuff is not one of them. See, this friend of mine had made a gadget whose capability was to sweep the entire humanoids off the face of earth. You know those mean robots that do everything including telling you when to change your tampon?

I thought maybe she was an African Queen, or a foreign Minister. I could tell. I could feel it emanating from her, some high vibration of awesome that normal people don’t have. If you ever get to see one up close, you will know famous people are way better than the rest of us. Or at least I felt like she was.

I stood there in awe just staring at her. Jesus H Christ! I started to freak out. My genius friend jumped in and sweetly explained his magnificent work to her, throwing a side eye to me wondering why my hands were shaking that fast.


She made a joke about something and I laughed inappropriately long and hard, a little snort coming out of my nose and landing somewhere on my hand. Shaking hands and to cupper that, a snort.  I could have died right there in front of that woman. Her eyes quickly gazed at the spot but she ignored and continued to smile graciously at me. I can’t remember what I said or what I didn’t say but it was in the line of something very embarrassing.   


I know, I could have excused myself and walked out, or say something professional like how Nairobi is the only City with a frigging National Park but I didn’t. I just stood there and embarrassed my whole country and destroyed all chances of us getting foreign tourists money.


 After she left, my genius friend was baying for my blood ready to sue me 🙂

I love women so much. But I try so fucking hard at looking sane when I am around them. I experience extreme anxiety, it is a disorder I have no control over right at the center of my brain.

I love rainbows. Maybe that’s the disorder doctors should study on.




4 thoughts on “I made an ass out of myself

  1. Rainbow Tinkerbell says:

    hahaha!I would laugh at you so hard.Your anxiety is crazy.I have only reacted to a few like that and I can just imagine your situation at that time.Lol,a good read 🙂


  2. calashmere nnandwa says:

    Waah I’d have buried my head in the sand but hey you will
    laugh at that 50yrs from now
    You have an addiction to women(I noticed)so i’ll give you some tips
    (I)Always keep a straight face around women(esp)if you know it not gonna end well(use your sharp insticts dammit)
    (II)Pretend that women are men(works for me)you can use it at work mostly!
    Am no pro but just trying to help ma fellow siz


  3. queerisme says:

    Well in!!
    Haha! Addiction is putting it mildly honey 🙂 Thanks for the tips, I will sure do put them to good use.


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